Sony Hires Dennis Rodman, Cancels ISIS Musical

Amid growing accusations that it had “caved to terror,” Sony has reportedly named Dennis Rodman vice president of its newly formed North Korea Office for Friendship and Internet Security. The Hall-of-Fame basketball player has made several visits to the isolated country and calls Kim Jong-un his “friend for life.” The media giant also canceled plans for a musical extravaganza, “Holiday on ISIS,” in the wake of rising Internet chatter about John Travolta’s alleged portrayal of ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi as “the dancing caliph” and rumors of female dancers in Lululemon chadors.

As North Korea escalated its rhetoric, announcing it is now targeting “all the citadels of the US imperialists who earned the bitterest grudge of all Koreans,” Sony insists it did not cancel “The Interview” out of fear.

Others agreed. "It seemed like a simple marketing decision,” said an anonymous reviewer from an undisclosed location. “I mean, honestly, would you attend that movie’s opening, and I don't care where they held it?”

Instead, Sony is reportedly considering a script on the 2016 Olympics. “Intrepid Dribbler” depicts the inspiring journey of the North Korean basketball team, led by Rodman and point guard Kim Jong-Un, from ostracism to Olympic gold. In the title game’s final seconds, Kim dribbles through the heavily favored U.S. team, elevates over an astonished LeBron James and pounds down what the announcer calls “a nuclear dunk.”

“It’s like an Asian ‘Field of Dreams,’” said a spokesperson. “We think Mr. Kim will be pleased.”