Stumble of the Week

Personhood. Since the Supreme Court has declared corporations to be people, it stands to reason that they can be criminals as well, and yesterday British Petroleum pled guilty to 11 felonies in connection with the fatal oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico two years ago. BP will pay $4.5 billion in fines and stands to lose up to $21 billion more for violations of the Clean Water Act. Three of its employees have also been indicted. Unlike other kinds of people, however, a corporation cannot go to jail, so BP has instead returned to profitability and increased its dividend. There is ongoing debate as to whether that is a sign of rehabilitation or recidivism. Finally, while felons lose their right to vote, BP can continue to give millions of dollars to those who promise to vote on its behalf. Right-wing conspiracy theorists are having a field day connecting the dots from the Petraeus affair to the Benghazi incident. I myself am on to a somewhat larger story, one that traces a devious line directly from Paula Broadwell to Benghazi to Nairobi to the Clintons’ murder of Vince Foster to the LBJ single-bullet cover-up to John Wilkes Booth to Aaron Burr’s 1807 indictment for treason. Democrats all, they have been funded by a secret cabal of secular humanists, from the Marquis de Sade to George Soros, whose unwavering goal is to impose the party’s alien ideology and elitist values on an innocent America. Think big, Krauthammer. Think DaVinci Code. I’ll keep you posted.