Guess which of yesterday’s headlines are false.

1. Alabama state auditor defends Roy Moore against sexual allegations, invokes Mary and Joseph

Not long ago Steve Bannon accused “a corrupt and incompetent Republican establishment" of waging a "politics of personal destruction” against Judge Roy Moore during the Alabama GOP Senatorial primary. “They're out to destroy him,” Bannon continued, and then asked rhetorically: “Do you know why? Because they cannot take the righteousness that people like Judge Moore represent."

That righteousness was in evidence yesterday when the state’s auditor, Jim Ziegler, defended Moore against allegations he had groped a 14-year-old girl when he was a 32-year-old attorney.

“He’s clean as a hound’s tooth,” Ziegler told the Washington Examiner, noting that the very old Zachariah and much younger Elizabeth produced John the Baptist. “Also take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus.”

Joseph was unavailable for comment at press time.

2. Ex-Trump security chief testifies he rejected 2013 Russian offer of women for Trump in Moscow

I may be missing something, but I would have made that trade in a heartbeat.

3. Study: Most student loan fraud claims involve for-profits

The study found "a disproportionate concentration of predatory behavior among for-profit colleges" – the actual figure was 98.6% – which reminded me of a 2016 piece in the National Review that began: “Many people believe that higher education is a de facto scam. Trump University, Donald Trump’s real-estate institution, was a de jure one.”

4. Eric Trump's Brother-In-Law Named Chief Of Staff Of An Energy Department Office

According to his LinkedIn page, “Kyle [Yunaska] has had a dynamic professional background which includes general management, market research, freelance writing, construction, sales, and successful entrepreneurial ventures." 

They’re all true. I wouldn’t couldn’t make this stuff up. Have a great weekend.