3^rd Runner-Up: Mitt Romney stumbled over the poor . . . but his donors have forgiven him. 2^nd Runner-Up: Newt Gingrich watched Romney seize the coveted Trump endorsement and Rick Santorum land Tom Tancredo . . . which left Newt only half the wacko ex-candidates: Herman Cain and Rick Perry. No word yet on Michelle Bachmann.

1st Runner-Up: The current Mrs. Gingrich was reportedly spotted in public with a hair out of place and an expression on her face . . . information as yet unconfirmed, so probably just a rumor.

This Week’s Winner: Me. I went to move my car yesterday, and it wasn’t there. Unlike the incident with my computer (“Aging”), I did not lose my car. I knew exactly where I had left it . . . although I did frantically search a 10-block radius just to make sure. It turns out I had some minor confusion about the day of the week, and the car had been towed the day before I thought I’d parked it.

So I walked 70 blocks to Pier 76, where they tow misparked cars, following New York’s wonderful westside park system that seeks to reconnect city dwellers with their river. At Pier 76 I didn’t feel so alone or dumb, as I joined in line:

• a sign painter who had been waiting for five hours because they couldn’t find his truck;
• a contractor on a job in midtown whose truck had been towed from exactly the same spot for the second day in a row; and
• a UPS guy in his brown suit, whose truck loaded with packages had been towed . . . while he was making a delivery.

When I was finally escorted to my car, there was a parking ticket on the windshield.